'My kid is 3.5 and we aren’t potty training': Daycare teachers discuss why parents are proud of not teaching their kids developmentally appropriate lessons

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 27, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Parents need to teach their young kids so many things every day. Babies come into this world knowing literally nothing, and once they're toddlers who can talk, they will ask you a million questions a day that even you, a grown-up, don't know the answers to. It can get overwhelming to teach the big things when you have to spend so much time just making sure your kid puts on their clothes and gets through the day without everything falling apart. 

While it's difficult to wean a kid off their pacifier or potty train them, these must be done for their development. Unless it's modeled to them, they're not going to be able to say, "Hello mother, I am going to stop using diapers and instead use the toilet now." While forcing them into something they're not interested in feels weird, you can't let them stay in diapers until kindergarten. 

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  • The daycare teachers below noticed a strange trend of parents waiting longer than usual to potty train their kids and being loud and proud of it. While there's nothing wrong with a child being a late bloomer, it's a new phenomenon for parents to brag about how late their kids did something instead of how early.

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    Cheezburger Image 10486023424
    via Gabe Pierce

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Why are parents proud of not potty training their kids etc

    I've seen so many threads, either here or on other forms of social media, where there are tons of moms who are almost proud of not teaching their kids developmentally appropriate things. Like it's a trend or something? I literally saw a mom post in almost a bragging way that her kid was 3.5 and even
    via u/missevereva
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    though her dentist told her she needs to get rid of the kid's paci by 3, she didn't and wasn't going to. The comments were FILLED with moms being like "yeah mines almost 5 and we aren't getting rid of it" etc!! Along with "my kid is 3.5 and we aren't potty training "um? Why are we PROUD of this? Why are we hyping other moms up and
    via u/missevereva
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    de in many atticone
    via K F

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    making it a trend to not parent our kids? THIS BS is why we have 4 and 5 year olds coming to school in diapers! Is this some sort of fh? I'm genuinely confused and concerned.
    via u/missevereva
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    via Šárka Hyková

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Affirmed Woman888 • 5d ago Past ECE Professional It's one potential path of the "children's autonomy" movement: the idea children shouldn't be "forced" to take growth steps and should "develop on their own timeline." Obviously there's a sane end to the trend, but it dovetails in the overall lack of boundaries Western culture is encouraging as a moral good. "If you are uncomfortable at any point something must be Wrong" mentality. Even more worrisome than coming to school in diapers is the result
    via u/AffirmedWoman888
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    WeaponizedAutisms •4d ago • Edited 4d ago AuDHD ECE, Kinders, Canada Even more worrisome than coming to school in diapers is the resulting lack of resilience to any discomfort and the debilitating anxiety at the most minimal demands of living - and subsequent depres on this fosters. - I definitely try to combat this with my kinder group. I often present them with physically and mentally challenging situations that they can try. I won't lift them up places or do anything for them
    via u/WeaponizedAutisms
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    that they might be capable of doing for themselves. If they fail I ask them if they want to watch how one of their peers does it, brainstorm solutions, or if they want advice. I focus a lot on creative problem solving skills and encourage trial and error.
    via u/WeaponizedAutisms
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    Something simple like putting glue sticks, white glue, a couple of kinds of tape, a stapler, metal split fasteners and a hole punch and string/pipe cleaners/twist ties out on the art table helps them to think about what they want to do. They look at the materials available, think about what they want to make and try different options until it works how they want it to. I even have a "save bin" they can put things into for later if they get frustrated and need to take a break or don't quite manag
    via u/WeaponizedAutisms
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    Open_Examination_591 • 4d ago ECE professional I can see why the pushback happens. We try to use shame as a motivator for kids too often despite the fact that some kids just aren't developmentally ready yet, and shame shouldn't be used anyway. Teaching kids that they can get made fun of for XYZ, and thats why it needs to be learned, isn't a good lesson and sets them up for people pleasing and giving into peer pressure. It's also one of the things I hear most from parents who can't be
    via u/Open_Examination_591
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    bothered to think of the actual reasons we brush our teeth, hair, bathe, eat well, etc. I hear parents. "If you dont brush your teeth, people will laugh at you, and no one will be your friend..." how about we teach that our teeth need brushing to stay healthy and clean and not fall out instead because its realistic and honestly the other kids aren't going to notice anyway so if the kid ever forgets they'll just learn that their parents/teachers/relatives/etc. are just liars or wrong.
    via u/Open_Examination_591
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    Who cares if the other kids think it's weird that the 3yo is still in a diaper? Why do they even think its weird? Because someone taught them to. Okay? So why does that person opinion matter at all? Why teach them to listen to the worst possible person in the room instead of the ones that dont need to use shame to get their way? Its so lazy and sets the kids up for bad habits.
    via u/Open_Examination_591
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    Everyone needs to start teaching their kids that it doesn't matter if they think something is 'weird', they probably are too in some ways. They need to take care of themselves even if everyone else has decided that they are no longer brushing their teeth or eating well, its not about them. People should potty train their kids, but if everyone keeps trying to shame the kid into it, i can see why the parent would just say its off limits as much as i can see the parent just agreeing to let the kid
    via u/Open_Examination_591
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    snowmikaelson • 4d ago Home Daycare The excuses I hear for some of these things are insane. Two parents keep telling me "We don't have family nearby, so that's why my 3 and 5 year olds can't (sit at the table for meals, properly go in and use the potty on her own, play nicely, etc)". And I'm just...you do realize that many people don't have family nearby and their children still get potty trained properly, know how to sit at the table for meals, etc. Yes, a village is nice but you two are marrie
    via u/snowmikaelson
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    I'm not denying that it's hard but you have to put in at least some effort and not hide behind excuses. There's a huge difference between an exhausted parent trying and doing their best...and just not trying because "we don't have family".
    via u/snowmikaelson
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    missevereva OP • 4d ago Student teacher I've actually heard that excuse quite a bit on parenting subs on this app - that they don't have a village so they can't potty train, can't socialize their kids, can't take the pacifier away etc. It doesn't make sense to me. My mom was a single mom with no village for most of our lives and she didn't use that as an excuse not to parent...
    via u/missevereva
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    Numerous-Leg-8149 • 4d ago Educator:Canada I have nothing against the families whose children need extra time learning important life skills (due to Neurodivergence or some medical issues). But when families of capable children purposely hold them back from growing and learning, it messes things up in my mind. Hence the many people I've come across who want to bring shame back.
    via u/Numerous-Leg-8149
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    Not being able to keep up with growth skills was heavily shamed or questioned when I was growing up. Nowadays, there are things that children can get away with things that our parents, respectively, wouldn't allow. I've heard about Elementary schools having students in Grade 1 and beyond still in diapers. And none of those students have medical nor neurological issues. How are parents okay with this?
    via u/Numerous-Leg-8149
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    Hanipillu • 4d ago ECE professional Adults don't want to shame but kids are going to be shamed by their peers. I wonder what 6 year olds are saying about their diapered classmates!
    via u/Hanipillu
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    SuzQP • 4d ago Grandparent I worked in elementary schools until 2013. Even then, children were beginning to feel no shame in exhibiting babyish behaviors. I recall a sudden (and alarming) trend the last couple of years, with 4th and 5th grade girls openly sucking their thumbs. The teachers were told "not to notice."
    via u/SuzQP
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    EllectraHeart • 4d ago • Edited 2d ago ECE professional bc it's hard. its inconvenient. it's a huge transition. it requires the parent to actually teach their kid something. so they procrastinate and neglect them then frame it as "they'll do it when they're ready"
    via u/EllectraHeart
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    WeaponizedAutisms • 4d ago AuDHD ECE, Kinders, Canada its inconvenient. it's a huge transition. it requires the parent to actually teach their kid something. And it also requires a parent to say no to a child and impose their needs over the wants of the child. Parents are often unable or unwilling to do this.
    via u/WeaponizedAutisms
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    Part_time_tomato •4d ago • Edited 4d ago When my oldest was a toddler there was a big thing about how early potty training was harmful and caused all sorts of physical issues. I saw more mom-group shaming over potty-training kids around 2 than the ones who did it later.
    via u/Part_time_tomato
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    danicies •4d ago Past ECE Professional Yes and they shame people who rip the bandaid off with pacis. Like look, I'm guilty of letting my 2 yr have a paci. His dentist/pediatrician/teachers/daycare director all recommended that we didn't wean him until this summer because of lots of life things
    via u/danicies
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    happening. But I'm not like.. proud. I'm disappointed I didn't have the foresight to wean him right when he was 1. We have him in speech therapy and get his teeth checked like monthly so if there's a delay or damage it'll be caught fast, but seriously. It's just embarrassing sometimes.
    via u/danicies
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    egbdfaces • 4d ago readiness is not the same as self motivated. I seriously wonder if these same kids will be taught to read or should they be left illiterate if they don't want to learn? A mama bird pushes the baby birds out of the nest when they are ready if they haven't jumped themselves.
    via u/egbdfaces

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